darkness

Grace in the dark place

Jacob Michael Fekete would have been 25 on March 3rd but instead he is forever 22. On March 26th we will have completed our third cycle around the sun without our son.image

This path is not one that any parent would choose to walk. Yet in this journey there is wisdom that I have gleaned that could have only been acquired by walking it.

I have learned more about God and about myself in the last three years than I had in the previous 45. There are innumerable topics I could write about but today I will lightly touch on just one. Grace in the dark place.

Grace

I have a deeper knowledge and experience of the grace of God in my life because of my son’s death. However, I sometimes wish I were still ignorant of the depth of this grace because it took me places I never wanted to go. But when plunged into the depth of sorrow I have found a surplus of grace in the sometimes overwhelming pain of grief. This all-sufficient grace is only experienced in the deep and dark places of life. Grace is precious and it is needed to persevere through the pain.

Most of the weakest moments of my life have been in the last three years. I can say that in those moments of despair, and having nowhere to look but up, that grace has sustained and strengthened me. Jesus said to Paul and also has assured me of the abundant supply of this all sufficient grace. “And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” (2 Corinthians 12:9a)

 I have discovered the hidden treasure of his grace in the deepest darkest places of my life. Jesus is the treasure, He is the diamond discovered in a mineshaft without light. No treasure is ever discovered unless one descends into the mine. I didn’t want to go but God sent me anyway and I would not trade the treasure I have discovered in the shaft. I discovered Jesus in the mine and we became much better acquainted. It was there that he uncovered for me the precious abundant treasures of his grace. It was there also that he showed me the immense value of faith in him. He has disclosed for me the jewel of his hope diamond and the endless golden vein of his love found only in darkest places I never wanted to go.

I can say that the pain is worth enduring because the payout is priceless. I lost intimacy with my son but I gained intimacy with Jesus in the experience. Jesus is the treasure.

 There is pain involved in growing in the grace and knowledge of God. The maturing process cuts to the bone but I have clung to the following verse through it all-knowing its purposeful end. Peter said, “And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.” (1 Peter 5:10) Jesus never hid himself to me in the darkness. No, rather he revealed himself to me. He himself is restoring my life, he himself is confirming me till the end, he himself is giving me strength in my weakness and he himself is establishing me for every good word and work.

The darkness of the mineshaft is discomforting but there is grace and treasure to be discovered in the deep pit. Jesus is there, yes, I would even say that Jesus is more easily found in the darkness rather than in the light. His value is discovered in dark places and I would not exchange this intimacy for the world. No, I would not exchange this even for my beloved Jacob. Why? Because apart from Jesus I would never had my son nor would I ever get to be in his presence again. I will see my son again but that was only made possible by the immeasurable grace of God found in his only Son.

When the mountain is on top of me and the weight of the world is on my shoulders my burden is made light because of Jesus. I cannot carry this burden and am thankful that I can cast my cares on him because he cares for me. What a marvelous Savior. What amazing grace. What a priceless treasure he is.

 

 

 

 

 

Naked and unashamed

There is currently a reality show on TV called naked and afraid. I don’t watch it, so I cannot recommend it as must see reality TV. Have you ever had a dream that you were stark naked in public? Here is a show that makes that nightmare a reality and labels it as entertainment. The participants are naked, they are clearly unashamed and in reality they do have much to fear. America has lost its ability to blush. We are a far cry from the debut of I love Lucy in 1951 which featured 2 beds in the bedroom of Desi and Lucy. The American morality slide continues and our ability to blush slides along with the entertainment worlds  shameless ethics. The fear of God is all but gone and we behave as though he does not see, or like we will never give and account for sin. (Sin!? Boy, that a word we never hear anymore)

lucy

Spanky of the little rascals once said, “You might fool some of the people some of the time, but you can’t fool mom.” Is this a truism and who are we kidding anyway? We all have hidden skeletons in our past and dark secrets that we never want the doorway opened on. It is likely that we all, if honest with ourselves, can point to something done in secret that if exposed we would be greatly ashamed of. Spanky’s adage doesn’t hold water and truth be told we fooled our mothers some of the time as kids.

Light always cuts through the darkness and the darkness has no power over light. When sin entered the garden Adam and Eve became aware and ashamed of their nakedness. They immediately covered themselves and hid from God. All mankind continues to hide from God like our first parents and seek to hide their shame by running from the light. God calls to mankind in his garden and asks the same question he asked Adam, He said, “Adam (your name here _____) , where are you?” His voice pierces the darkness of all our shameless behavior and we respond by trying to hide and attempt to cover our sin and nakedness. But we, like the cockroaches we are, run for the cover of darkness and hide under the nearest rock available. This is natural for us because we are conceived in sin (Psalm 51:5) and have gone astray into darkness from the womb of our mothers (Psalm 58:3). We are most comfortable in darkness just like a fish is most comfortable in the water that envelops it. Take us out of our comfortable environment, cast light into the darkness and we are sure to squirm. Jesus makes the world squirm.

Jesus is the light of the world and he alone opens the locked doorways that exposes our skeletons within. He wants us to be honest with him about the secret sins that beset us so easily. The door creeks open and we quickly scurry from him. Why is this? Jesus said, “And this is the judgment : the light has come into the world, and people loved darkness rather than light because their works were evil. For everyone who does wicked things hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his works be exposed.” (John 3:19-20)

Jesus is the word made flesh and those who hate him hate what he has to say. Oh sure, they loved his miracles and kindness but killed him for his message. His word is a lamp unto our feet and a light for our path but those who hate his light run back to the darkness. Why? Because it is in us to love the darkness, hate the truth, and enjoy the passing pleasures of sin for the season of our life. Why do we avoid the bible, Jesus, and the truth? We don’t want our sin exposed, we cling to it, we actually love it. Yet, in his great mercy he shows us who we are so that we might be delivered from so great a darkness and he beacons us to come to the light.

We can lie to ourselves and we can lie to others. We might fool some of the people some of the time, “But you cant fool God!” Who are we kidding? Let’s be honest as to why we avoid bible reading, meditation and the light. It’s painful and it reveals our ugly hearts. No book ever written by man can cut our souls like the Spirit inspired word of God. “For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and spirit, of joints and marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart” (Hebrews 4:12) We may think we can run but hiding is impossible because God sees all, “And no creature is hidden from his sight, but all are naked and exposed to the eyes of him to whom we must give an account.” (Hebrews 4:13) We are naked. The question remains, are we ashamed and afraid?

As  Christians we are the light of the world but what good is a lamp hidden under a basket? The world hated Jesus and they will hate his followers as well but I encourage the believers who read this to remember your darkness and to walk in the light.

“For you were at one time darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light (For the fruit of light is found in all that is good, right and true) and try to discern what is pleasing to the Lord. Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness but instead expose them.” (Ephesians 5:8-11)