Wrestling with Jacob

A journal of faith, grief and devotional musings

death of child

  • 4 years have passed since 4 family deaths started my wife and I on an unexpected journey with grief. I wish this journey had a final destination where I could get off this damn bus and let out a sigh of relief from the exhausting trip. However, I have discovered the longer I travel this Read more

  • Troubling Triggers

    Without question my grief trigger over the last three years has been music. From day one music has triggered for me sadness and pain. I can honestly say that I hated music, I hated everything about it and I found it nearly inescapable no matter how fast I tried to run from it. The sound Read more

  • A Christmas confession

    I am struggling with holiday depression. I feel its heavy pull today so I write with the reins in hand pulling back hard to keep me from writing too deep into the darkness I feel. All is well and good in my life and yet my soul is cast down- and so it goes, no reason to be sullen but Read more

  • The face of addiction

    Overdose. What does that word conjure up in your mind? Put a face to the word overdose and who do you see? I know what it means for me because that is how my son and nephew died. Just ten months apart Justin overdosed on heroin and Jacob overdosed on prescription meds. I have asked myself Read more

  • Every rose has its thorn

    Grief still lingers. I suppose that many around me that know the story of the loss of our son, and 3 other loved ones are happy for us when good and positive blessings happen in our lives. We get all the smiles, congratulations and pats on the back and all the while grief still lingers Read more