loss of child

Words of Hope

Today I remember my son Jake. 3/3/92-3/26/14

More importantly I remember the words and works of Jesus. Who alone has the power and authority to speak life into the dead, and into a world full of dead men walking.

Our words have power but that power is very limited. Actually the power of our words to actually speak something into reality is limited by the sovereign will and purposes of God. He rules and overrules all.

Jesus’ words are unlimited in power. He spoke life and light into death and darkness.

Who said to a young dead girl arise and she arose. Who said to Lazarus come out of the tomb and he did. Who said the following of himself and it came to pass.

“No one takes it from me, but I lay it down of my own accord. I have authority to lay it down, and I have authority to take it up again. This charge I have received from my Father.” John 10:18

I may be regarded as a fool but who do you know who beat death? Jesus alone did and if you reject his words of life then who is the fool?

Jesus is our only hope. I stand with him in the hope of the resurrection of my son, myself and my family. He alone has the power to speak life into the dead.

Will you walk away from that?

So Jesus said to the twelve, “Do you want to go away as well?” Simon Peter answered him, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life, and we have believed, and have come to know, that you are the Holy One of God.” John 6:67-69

Choose life.

Love Embraces the soul

March is a more difficult month than the rest for Stacey and I.

It’s been 9 years since our son died. One of the many things grief has taught us is that the depth of our love for Jake is matched by the depth of our grief.

Jacob Michael Fekete

Love embraces the soul. Jake was a lover and a hugger and he grabbed many hearts in his 22 years with us. We miss his hugs.

Love grabs our emotions but true love is not just sensual it’s spiritual and active. God is Spirit and God is love and his love is directed towards mankind. His love embraces our souls.

This might be the hardest thing about grieving our son. There is no action that our love for him can be personally demonstrated towards him.

I often ask Jesus to tell Jake that I love him and to embrace him for me. I believe that prayer is heard.

We all need love. Not the kind of love that much of the world offers. A fickle love, a conditional love, a sensual self serving love.

We want a love that transcends all of that and embraces our souls never letting go. A love that loves us in all our ugliness.

This is how God loves and how we are called to love one another.

“But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8

Many spurn this love. But for those who have not how are we to return our love for God?

“Jesus answered him, “If anyone loves me, he will keep my word, and my Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him. John 14:23

Jesus said to love each other as he loved. Obedience to this commandment is the demonstration of love and the sweet embrace of fellowship with the Trinity.

Let us love God and one another.

Comfort at Christmas

This is our ninth Christmas since our son Jacob died. It seems odd to write that. I felt stuck in time and in grief for so long I thought I’d never get relief.

I remember reading and hearing people tell of how the holidays will get easier in time.

I’m not sure I ever believed them. Maybe you feel that way now.

But now I know by experience that it is true. So I assure you that the sting will pass but the ache remains forever.

Time alone dulls the sharp edges of those who grieve during the Christmas season.

Is that a true statement? I do not believe it is because of the following verse.

“When the righteous cry for help, the LORD hears and delivers them out of all their troubles. The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:17-18

God hears, God delivers, God is near and God saves.

Yes, time dulls the pain but the God of all comfort provides what we need when the pain is most intense. He is with us through time. So actually it is God who heals. It just takes time. His time.

Be assured in knowing that as you heal and are comforted in your grief that God provided that for you. He has an infinite amount of ways to provide that for us. A song, a prayer, a pet, a smile or a dream. It comes in so many ways.

When you receive comfort acknowledge God and give him thanks. Even if you do not believe in God that does not change the truth of my last statement. Our unbelief cannot and does not negate his existence.

He loves the world. He loves me and he loves you. That is as immutable as a sunrise.

“For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him.” Jesus

May God bring you all comfort this Christmas.

How I know heaven is for real

Today marks 8 years since our son Jacob left us.

What is heaven like for him? What does he see? What does he hear? I’ve been thinking about these things today.

If he could return and tell us of heaven, which he will not, would it bring unbelievers to faith? No, it cannot.

Paul the apostle was taken to heaven but not allowed to speak of the things he heard and seen. But many people have profited off fanciful books about supposed heavenly experiences.

After Paul’s heavenly experience God allowed Satan to torment and weaken him. Why? To humble him into silence and to prevent pride from growing, because of the multiple heavenly revelations given to him from God.

What makes us think that the “experience” of a child would convince us that ”Heaven is for real?” If the apostle was prevented from speaking on these things why would I believe anybody else?

And what about hell? The rich man asked Abraham to send Lazarus back from paradise to his brothers and warn them of the coming torment.

What did Jesus teach on that?

He said to him, ‘If they do not hear Moses and the Prophets, neither will they be convinced if someone should rise from the dead.’” Luke 16:31

Truth is, unbelief is impenetrable apart from the gospel. All mankind’s subjective experiences are powerless to produce faith.

This was made very clear to Peter, James and John on the mount of transfiguration.

And what was Peters words concerning his actual, real experience?

“For when he received honor and glory from God the Father, and the voice was borne to him by the Majestic Glory, “This is my beloved Son, with whom I am well pleased,” we ourselves heard this very voice borne from heaven, for we were with him on the holy mountain. And we have the prophetic word more fully confirmed, to which you will do well to pay attention as to a lamp shining in a dark place, until the day dawns and the morning star rises in your hearts, 2 Peter 1:17-19

Peters actual experience, though valid, took a back seat to the fulfilled prophecies concerning Jesus.

What am I getting at? Apart from the scriptures concerning Jesus there is no experience that can penetrate the hardened unbelieving heart.

“So faith comes from hearing, and hearing through the word of Christ.” Romans 10:17

The continuing gospel epic in the scriptures of Jesus the Son of God is the power that God uses to save all who believe. Do you believe the following?

“For I delivered to you as of first importance what I also received: that Christ died for our sins in accordance with the Scriptures, that he was buried, that he was raised on the third day in accordance with the Scriptures, and that he appeared to Cephas, then to the twelve. Then he appeared to more than five hundred brothers at one time, most of whom are still alive, though some have fallen asleep.”
1 Corinthians 15:3-6

I have hope that I will someday meet Jesus face to face and be reunited with the ones I love.

This confident hope isn’t based on fanciful fables. It is based on actual, factual, historical, undeniable and verifiable truth.

Happy heavenly birthday Jacob. We love you and by grace through faith will see you again.

Jacob love dogs

Wetting the shoulders of others.

Jacob and Emily

I know far too many parents who have lost children.

It’s been nearly 8 years since our son Jacob died of an overdose. Over those years we have been called upon a number of times to comfort parents that are new members to the club.

I remember the faces, the tears and the comfort provided by bereaved parents when we suddenly entered into our sorrows in late March 2014.

We received that phone call again on November 30th. A call from a bereaved sister to another bereaved sister to share the news that their cousin had just joined the club.

You know the journey all to well. You know what is ahead of them. You know the healing process and you know nothing but time will ease the endless pain.

You’re taken back when those calls come. Back to a time and place that you know all to well. A place of surreal numbness and unbelievable pain and a place you don’t want to return to but you must.

So we went to them. It’s best that words be few in these times. It’s a time to be silent and mostly listen to the hearts of the grieving. A time to embrace and wet each other’s shoulders.

I remember their joy when they discovered that they were going to be grandparents. We were so happy for them. Now that child is without a father. Their daughter in law is a widow and they are without their only son.

It’s easy to rejoice with those who rejoice. It’s not so easy to enter into familiar pain and weep with those who weep. But we go gladly remembering the club members who came to us in our first hours.

For those of us who are unfortunately familiar with the grief of losing a child it’s different. We have words of knowledge but for the most part they are better left unsaid. In time the bereaved will learn what we know and those comforting discussions will happen later down the road.

Perhaps the most common thing stated in the early stages of these horrific days is, “I don’t know what to say.” And we don’t. So I suppose it’s not even necessary to say that. But we do. And that’s OK too.

So we left to enter into the joys and sorrows of those we love and to, “Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.” Romans 12:15

Sometimes, especially in these times, letting our shoulders become tissues is the best and only thing we can do.