Wrestling with Jacob

A journal of faith, grief and devotional musings

music

  • Silently singing

    I don’t sing in church. I am a Christian anomaly I think. I rarely tune in to music though I enjoy it. I appreciate hymns and worship music and understand their importance but I am rarely openly engaged in any song. I used to sing a little. Then Jake died and with him died his Read more

  • Troubling Triggers

    Without question my grief trigger over the last three years has been music. From day one music has triggered for me sadness and pain. I can honestly say that I hated music, I hated everything about it and I found it nearly inescapable no matter how fast I tried to run from it. The sound Read more

  • Even the birds have a song

    I still have no song in my heart and I feel almost unchristian to make such an honest confession. I do not make melody in my heart, or whistle a tune or catch myself humming a hymn. My harmonica is tarnished and dusty from lack of use and I have not desired to play it Read more

  • The day the music died

    Those closest to me know that I never listen to music, at least not deliberately anyway. It has became particularity difficult for me after Jacob died to listen to songs about lost love and the disappointments of life . Music is penned from the soul of people and while it brings comfort to many I have found Read more

  • Smiles of sadness; A letter to my deceased son

    Dear Jacob, I have been especially weepy and sad lately. There is a sadness that is with me that dampens my life like a misty morning walk. I think about the family allot, especially you son; mostly of you Jacob. I want to be happy, I laugh and smile on my journey but I have Read more