Letting go
Letting go of life is a difficult thing to do. I have often viewed my life as a five fingered hand grasping tightly to what I cherished most, holding tightly to things I believed were of high importance. I have learned the hard way that God has a way of pulling back my fingers so that my hand becomes empty for his taking. Getting your fingers pried back is painful, it got my attention quickly and has taught me to let go of temporal things and to extend my hand out to God.
Planning my own future I made strides to build equity in a home. I sold that house and built a new home, it was 2 years later I discovered a major roof construction problem that would cost upwards of $25,000 to repair. After many nights of lost sleep and a turning stomach God pried my finger loose of the house he gave to me. I had come to terms with the fact that it was his house, therefore it is his problem- I slept peacefully after that finger was pried free.
25 years of working in the same place with insurance and direct deposit doesn’t build faith, it makes you apethetic. Four years ago that stability in life was shaken when all I had ever known for work was about to be lost. Naturally the loss of income, health care and retirement was enough to turn my guts inside out until a day came that I realized God was prying another finger loose of the things I held so tightly to. He gave me the job, he certainly will provide for my families needs. I retained the job, lost my insurance and my diareha was cured.
I was a wrestling coach and both my sons were were wrestlers. Jared, our youngest excelled more than his brother in the sport and we all had high hopes for his senior year of wrestling. He was all state the year before and we all expected him to challenge for the state title that winter. Jared blew out his ACL in the first half of the first football game of his senior year- sports were over. The finger of boastful pride was pulled back that year but my hand was not totally free yet.
Letting go of a house, a job, and a dream was difficult but the worst was yet to come. The death of my son Jacob, my mother in-law Linda, a nephew and a grandmother in 12 months time was enough to break anyones grip on life. What we loved most in this life was pulled from our grip and it left me with an empty hand. God reached down and took his hand in mine to guide me through a time of darkness and despair. There is a strength and comfort that I have found in his grip that cannot be compared to best best of those who surround me.
God has a way of getting my hands free so that I can walk hand in hand with him. What are you clinging to that prevents your hands from being free? All the things I clung to were things God gave me, my house, my job, my dreams and my family are all from him. Yet, in his plan he is teaching me to keep my hands free so that when life gets dark I can feel his comforting hand take mine into his.
When I remember you upon my bed, and meditate on you in the watches of the night; for you have been my help, and in the shadow of your wings I will sing for joy. My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me. (Psalm 63:6-8)
God bless, Mike
Wrestling with Jacob 