Wrestling with Jacob

A journal of faith, grief and devotional musings

  • The calls

    The call that none of us want to receive never came to my wife, she delivered it. Stacey found our son Jacob dead on our basement bathroom floor a year ago today. I got the call about around 10 AM, she was frantic and wailing things that I couldn’t understand. I asked her to repeat… Read more

  • And now you know the rest of the story

    And this is eternal life, that they know you the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom you have sent- Jesus  What Jacob left behind after his death brings a measure of comfort to me in his absence. I open the door to his bedroom, I see his things, I smell his clothes and remember his… Read more

  • Grief shared is grief diminished

    The trauma and grief that a parent experiences when a child dies is unique unto itself. It has its own zip code, its own language that cannot be understood by those who cannot speak the dialect. I am the father of Jacob Michael Fekete who died March 26, 2014, around 10 am that day I received… Read more

  • Get a whiff of this

    Its coming up on a year since Jacob died, he would have turned 23 on March 3rd. I had 22 years of opportunity to influence his life for good and now I live with only the memories of what I did right or wrong. Do I wish I could change some things? Certainly. Do I live with… Read more

  • Finding peace

    I have not been at peace. Since Jacob died last March I have been tormented and pained deeply with the thought that he may not be in heaven. Everyone else was at peace but I could not find rest. On the back of Jacob’s headstone we had these words engraved, “Let not your heart be troubled…John 14:1-3. These unfinished… Read more